Goodbye June | Reflections and Moving On

Y’know when you think you have everything planned out and then the world just shits on all of that? That’s exactly what this past month has done to me. June has definitely been the most stressful month of my life.

My plans for getting home from college this year was to get a job and be able to support myself being that I don’t have many people that can financially support my day to day needs. Living in this city is tough! Train fare, Uber, food, toiletries, everything is way too much.

Unfortunately,the month of June involved nothing but rejected job applications, an empty bank account, and relationship issues that I shouldn’t have to deal with considering I’m not in a relationship.

I. Am. In. Shambles.

I’m no longer completely jobless, there’s so many projects I’m working on it amazing. But I still have with no idea how to pick my life up but I’m okay. I wake up in not the best of moods, but the sun gets brighter as the day goes on and so do I. I say my prayers, drink my tea, and force myself to have a better day. Because I deserve it.

I deserve to feel like I’m in control of my life. So I will be.

June sucked but it taught me important lessons. I could either stay down when the world attacks me or I can start crawling until I’m ready to walk again.

I’d like to start my crawl now.

I’ve spent so much time with just myself this month that I’ve learned how to be comfortable with my own skin. I can count on both hands the amount of times I’ve worn makeup out the house and I’m proud of myself for that. My skin is the best that it’s ever ever been. I plan to nurture it well.

I’ve become less afraid of wearing certain things. I’ve always been so conscious of my body shape and the way the world perceives me because of it. I’m used to hiding myself so that no one can judge me but these past few weeks I threw caution to the wind. I’ve gone braless so many times I forget what a bra felt like and I’ve dared to wear colors I never even owned before.

These were definitely some high points to be proud of.

I have no idea what July has in store for me but as long as it’s better than June I’ll be just fine.